Pocket Change

Trying to let some emotion out….

I Wish you’d believe me. I’ve changed. I am not who I was. I’m renewed, refocused. Your the only thing I cared about and that has never been so clear to me. Even over the summer I didn’t realize it as much as I do now. And I feel like I valued this a lot over summer. But it really is true that you don’t know what you have til it’s gone. Now your gone. And now I have nothing.

Everything I wish I could take back…

1. Every time I raised my voice with you.
2. Every time I had a chance to kiss you and didn’t.
3. Every time I walked beside you and didn’t hold your hand.
4. Every time I didn’t cuddle with you because it wasn’t comfortable for me.
5. Every time I walked ahead of you to the car.
6. Every time I didn’t tell you when you asked me “What’s wrong babe?”.
7. Not telling you I love you every chance I could.
8. Every time I got mad because I had to drive you to class in the morning because you missed the bus. I should’ve looked at it as more time to spend with you.
9. Every time I didn’t wake up and immediately text you.
10. Every time I did anything but smile when I saw you.
11. Every time you asked me to come over and I didn’t.
12. Every time I complained about anything you did.
13. Every time I picked a fight with you.
14. Every time I put anything above you/being with you/doing something for you.
15. Every time I made you feel like anything less than a princess.
16. Every time I forgot to say thank you.
17. Every time I forgot to say sorry.
18. Every time I didn’t open the car door for you.
19. Ever telling you something you did made me want to break up with you.
20. Not telling you how beautiful I thought you were every single day.

Thank you for…

1. Putting up with my short temper for as long as you did.
2. Caring about me when no one else did.
3. Believing in me when no one else did.
4. Loving me.
5. Being my best friend.
6. Hanging out with me everyday.
7. Helping me through… Well you know.
8. Saving my life.
9. Keeping me focused with school.
10. Staying up with me even when you were tired.
11. All the things you made me as presents.
12. Being you.
13. Telling me how good looking you thought I was.
14. Backing me up.
15. Getting me dinner on campus.
16. Buying me munchies.
17. Helping me when money was tight.
18. Helping out with gas money.
19. Thank you for being the best girlfriend a guy could ask for.
20. Thank you for the best 10 months of my life.

The days seem to last forever. The nights seem even longer. I have people all around me but I feel so lonely. Nothing looks the same. Nothing feels the same. Colors aren’t as vivid and happiness isn’t as happy. My world had such a solid foundation just a few days ago and now I feel as though my whole world is crumbling down. What do I do? Do I try to stay in the world I’m in or do I let everything fall apart and put it back together again? Should I turn and walk or should I hope, wait, and talk? I feel so lost in this dull, lonely, slow moving world and I’m beginning to feel like I’ll never find my way out.